Feeling Stressed? It Could Be a Boundary Issue

What’s troubling you these days? Take a minute to consider what might be getting you down. Is work asking too much of you or taking too much of your time? Are friends feeling especially needy lately? Is family being overwhelming? If you’re experiencing feelings of anxiety, anger, or stress, this might mean that you need stronger boundaries.

What are boundaries? Boundaries are the limits and lines we draw to teach people how to engage with us appropriately. This might seem unkind or feel uncomfortable for you. However, boundaries actually enable us to show up as our best, most authentic selves, and help us to improve our relationships.

For example, you might have that friend who always calls you for a favor or needs a great deal of your time. Helping them feels good initially. But over time, resentment builds, hurting the relationship and spilling into other areas like work or family. You might think to yourself that this friend has no respect for your time or your needs. Yet you continue to offer support because it is in your nature to be kind. The result is frustration, feeling overwhelmed, and wanting more time to yourself.

The issue lies not with others’ behavior; that cannot be controlled. The responsibility falls on us to set personal boundaries around our time and emotional availability. You see, it’s never a “them” issue. It’s a “you” issue. Establishing those boundaries protects our peace when we feel someone or something threatens it.

If the thought of refusing a request or having an honest “no” conversation brings anxiety, examine why. What prevents you from establishing boundaries? Fear of damaging relationships? Concerns about acceptance? Yes, new boundaries feel scary. However, people who practice healthy boundaries find that those who care for and respect you will also respect your need for space.

We’re just scratching the surface on using boundaries to promote health and happiness. Stay tuned! In the upcoming issues of Seven Mile Times, we’ll have more about the “why” and “how” of personal boundaries. For now, a bit of homework: Make a list of stressful areas and consider concrete actions like an open conversation. Although hard at first, boundaries bring great rewards – including more peace.

Here’s to healthy relationships!