Reclaim Your Mental Energy: How to Focus on What You Can Control

By Kristen D’Amico

In a fast-paced world where time is precious, too much of it is spent worrying about things we can’t control. According to the American Psychological Association’s most recent “Stress in America” survey, 67% of adults report feeling anxious about current events happening around the globe, and 76% of Americans identify the collective future of the nation as a significant source of stress. Beyond these larger burdens of worry, consider the daily stressors beyond our control: Will I hit rush-hour traffic? Will the rain ruin my weekend plans? Will already-inflated gas prices continue to rise over the summer? Will this stomach bug hit our house? What if … (fill in the blank with any number of worries here).

While many of us look to reduce stress in our lives, stress can actually serve a positive purpose. Good stress, or eustress, helps us protect ourselves and prepare for success. It’s typically exciting, manageable, and pushes us toward growth. Examples of eustress include concern for your health that motivates you to eat well and exercise, or nerves about a job interview that push you to prepare your best. Anticipation about making a good impression on a first date and double-checking that the stove is off are other worries that ultimately support our well-being.

Negative stress, or distress, often feels overwhelming and exceeds our perceived ability to cope. Examples include navigating a significant loss such as that of a loved one or a job, along with workplace conflict, financial strain, and worry about social or global crises. Distress tends to take hold when we fixate on factors beyond our immediate control, and over time it can affect physical health, mental health, personal relationships, and overall wellness.

Take a moment to consider your worries, and I encourage you to write them down. If that feels overwhelming, start with just a few. Then, draw two circles. Label one your inner circle: This is where you list the things within your control. Label the other your outer circle: This is where everything beyond your control goes. When you look at what lands in that outer circle, you may notice just how much mental energy you spend on things you cannot change.

Worrying over items in your outer circle is not only emotionally draining, it also breeds feelings of helplessness, ultimately increasing stress and anxiety. This doesn’t mean you should dismiss those stressors entirely; it’s important to acknowledge them so you can practice letting them go. Lean on your support system for a good vent session, and then redirect your attention to what you can control: your inner circle.

Shifting your focus there creates an important change in how your emotional brain responds. You interrupt the cycle of helplessness and anxiety, and turn instead toward actionable steps that build a genuine sense of empowerment. Your inner circle is made up of your thoughts and actions, and that is exactly where your attention and energy belong. Actionable items might include planning ahead, establishing or strengthening boundaries, reframing your thinking, or investing more intentionally in your relationships, work, or school. Focusing on what you can control not only empowers you, but frees up the time and energy needed to tackle the stressors that have been weighing on you.

If you are one of the many who struggle with letting go of what you cannot control, here are some things you can do:

Categorize your worries. Draw your inner and outer circles as often as you need to. This simple exercise makes your worries visible, helping you recognize what lies beyond your control so you can practice releasing it and redirecting your energy toward what you can actually do something about.

Lean on your support system. Friends and loved ones make excellent sounding boards when you need to process your worries or let off some steam. They can also help you identify when stress is rooted in something beyond your control, especially when you are too close to it to see it yourself.

Practice mindfulness. Awareness of the present moment helps ground you, shifting your focus away from stress and worry and back to the here and now. Mindfulness draws you more fully into your immediate environment, inviting gratitude and a greater sense of calm. It also supports emotional regulation and promotes relaxation.

Letting go of what you cannot control and redirecting your attention to what you can is one of the most effective ways to protect your energy and cultivate peace. Here’s to a summer with more peace and joy, and fewer worries!